my heart hurt.....

i'm at my hometown now....
as usual I open my facebook to check on all my frenz....
suddenly I saw sumthng that make me smile....
but then that smile fade away as I go through the pics...
why?only that pop up in my mind...
I feel like crying....
I know that I'm less important in that group but atleast don't hurt me like this...
I always believe that, a picture can tell a story....
and it seems to me it is true....
maybe other people see it as juz a pic but nuot for me..
it's like a knife that slice my heart slowly.....
maybe it's a sign for me to pull myself away from that group...
farewell my dear group,'u' sure show me a lot in life...
'u' teach me to be strong physically and mentally...
it's time for me to bid farewell...
and thank you very much for 'your' teached...

suker?....

as time passes by.....

life is unfair rite????
do I really have the right to say that after what I've done?????
still this is what I fell....

he sick again....
this time it's getting worst according to what he said but I really hope that it is not true....
yesterday, his brother texted me saying that he has been uncounscious for two hours....
at the moment I read that text, I was fell down to the ground....
I don't know what to do at that moment....
in my heart I was praying that he will regain he conscious soon and Alhamdullillah he did after that...
I called him not long after that, asking him what has happened...
as usual he said to me 'don't worry'....

later that night, i received a text...
I didn't realise that text until i received a call from him...
he said that his brother has send a text...
saying that he's involve in an accident...
it was 4.30 in the morning....
only God know what i felt at that time.....
after i received his called, i couldn't sleep until know.....

now it is 3.59 in the evening...
i'm at the cafe rite now....
waiting for him to on his YM....
it's the only way we can communicate rite now....
i've sent a text asking him to online...
but still he does not online until now....
i was so damn worried bout him....
but i don't wanna push him...
i know he must have his reason for not to online....

i love him more than he know....
but before this i have asked him to leave me...
in my last entry i wrote that i have did something that is so terrible that i shouldn't be forgiven...
that's why i said that to him...
eventhough he said he wont leave me...
i feel so embarassed to him...
i don't know how i wanna face him...
i have betrayed him...
i have betrayed his trust in me...
i have betrayed my promises to him...
i felt like a bitch, slut and other words that have the same meaning....
he deserve sumbody that better than me....
i feel if i still have him by my side it was like i'm torturing him....
if sumthing HAPPEN i'm surely would ask him to leave me...
but up until now nothing happen and i hope that incident wouldn't leave me with anything....

for all the girls outthere be carefull with everyone....
especially with guys....
appreciate your life and your dignity...
don't let go it easily....

suker?....

my worst nightmare......

ari nie adlh ari yg plng ak xske....
ari trjad 1 pristiwa yg mne ak akn ingti nya smpai ble-ble...
peristiwa yg ak mmg xkn lpe...
peristiwa itam yg mne ak hdpinya buat kli ke2....
cme peritiwa nie lg bsar je dri yg lpas.....
ak btul2 mnyesal....
peristiwa nie btul2 mengingatkn ak siapa ak yg sbnrnye...
ak sdar ak dh trlalu lme idup dlm keadaan lalai...
alpa...
leka degan keduniaan...
hgga trlpe dgn dunia akhirat....
btul la stiap peristiwa yg brlaku tu ada hikmah nye....
mgkin nie cru tuhan tuk sdrkn dri ak yg leka dan byk brdosa nie....
ak akn mulekn idup bru...
sbg hambanya yg taat...
insyaallah...
doakn la agar ak btul2 brubh....
wlaupun agak trlmbt tp nie la azam ak selain mmbhgiakn ibu bapa ak...

suker?....

one day in college.......

I'm back to the college once again...
huhuhuhuhuhh
not really happy n not really sad....
the point is I don't know what the heck I'm feeling right now....
it feels like sumthing is not right....
like sumthing bad is going to happen....
hurm........
seriously....
that's why I'm writing an entry today.....
hope sumone can help me here......
hope there' sumbody that can comfort me....
huhuhuhuhuhu.....

please.........

suker?....

see how borink I am today......

this is the secong time I'm writting in my blog...
bkn ke nmpk sgt aku nie dh borink thp gaban....
arghhh ak xnk blik kolej mlm nie......
npe ek ak rse xsdap ati,aku rse cm de bnde buruk je akn jd.....
OMG hope it's not about my Bf....
pliz god don't let sumthing bad happen to him....
seriously, i don't what else to write anymore....
arghhhh...............
oh yeah, tdd de sorg mamat tu anta msg kat aku,mne die dpt no bru aku pun aku xtaw....
eh sdar la dri tu,aku xnk kat ko la.....
even lau aku xde Bf skrng nie pun aku xkn pilih ko la....
don't ask me why...
you know why.....
it's becoz u already have a WIFE n KIDS........
n I DON'T WANNA GET INVOLVE WITH YOU ANYMORE.....
PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ******.......

suker?....

borink day.....

aku tak taw nk wat pe ri nie....
dh la ri nie ari last aku kat umh...
mlm satg nk blik phng dh...
rrrgggghhhh bosannye....
nk ajk member aku transport lak tak de,.
takkn la aku nk gune kete sepupu aku lak,mmpus aku lau pape jadi kat kete die...]
oh eah, btw aku ngah chat ngan BF aku skrng nie...
die kate die nk pegi chek pale die kat hsptl, hopefully la de briter bek...
ak ngan die dh xsggup nk dgr briter buruk dh...
aku doa sgt2 die ok...
sbb ak xnk khlngn die n ak harap die pun mcm tu gak....
eh aku lupe beg ak xkmas lg....
nk out la nk kne kmas beg nnt de bnde tggl ssah ak...
perak ngan phng bknyer dkat...
k daaaaa sume....

suker?....