siapakah aku sebenarnye?????

aku keseorangan ari nie....
dan buat kesekelian kalinya ak menagis lg....
atas sebab2 yang trtentu,
ak tertanya kpd dri aku...
siapakah aku???
btul ke aku nie ank kandung mereka????
siapa sebenarnye Nur Farhana Liyana????

ari nie spatutnye ak kluar brtemu dgn rkn2 lme...
akan ttpi ak tidak dpt kluar....
ak kecewa lg....
kerana 'org itu' sudah brjnji akn mghntr ak kluar...
ak menangis disebabkn 'org itu' mungkir jnji....
mgkin org akn kta aku cengeng tp hakikatnye die sudah brjnji trlbh dahulu dgn ak.....
ak mle tringt kmbali bbrapa peristiwa yg sama trjd pd ak....
knapa????
knapa stiap kli ak mahu kluar msti tak boleh???
ak jd marah, sdh dan kecewa yg tramat sgt krna 'org itu' slalu mlebihi kn 'mereka' drpd ak....
sblm ini ak tidak ambil peduli akan hal ini krb bg aku hal ini xpntg sgt pun
smpilah suatu ari ade soerng pk cik yg mmbritahu yang aku nie sbnrnye kurang ksh syg...
ak trkjut krn die tahu ape sbnrye yg ak rsekn...

knpa 'org2 itu' harus mmbeza2kn ak ngn 'mereka'????
ak tahu ak x seperti 'mereka' yang pndai bijak yang diharap dpt mmbnggakn 'org2 itu',
tp sedarla bhwa ak juga punya perasaan...
jgn la mnyakiti ati ak lg,
sbb ak tkt nnt ak xkn ade ati lg untk 'kamu' sakiti....

bnde yg sme juga ak rsekn stiap kli ak di kolej....
perbezaan yg ketara antra ak dan rakan2....

ak xsecantik dan sefamous Dira,
ak x sprti Acha dan Ruheil yang baik dan lmah lmbut,
ak xsebijak dan sepandai BBY dan Z,
ak juga xseaktif lala,
dan ak juda xsperti Ieqa Hani yg bijak berniaga....
jd SIAPAKAH AK yang sbnrnye????

apkah ak nie hanya melukut ditepi gantang?????
yang langsung tidak dipandang oleh org lain????

masihkah ade seseorang yg menyayangi ak seikhlasnye????
MASIHKAH??????

apakh takdir ku yg sbnarnye??????
APAKAH?????

masihkah ak pnye kluarga???
Masihkah?????

suker?....

need to find my heart back........

this is the first day i'm back in my hometown.
on the back to tepeng, in the bus i was thinking about my feelings to him....
the whole journey i was thinking about that.
i try to find my feeling back then suddenly i realize my feeling is empty....
i heart is empty....
what happen????? i ask myself.....

i recall back when is the last time we see each other and talk to each other..
well yesterday he did call me just to wish me a safe journey home and ask me to take care of myself, just that....
my heart ache....
i talk to my friends bout this and even they notice that i and him are drifted away from each other.....

somehow i can't just feel his love to me anymore and vice versa....
is it too much to ask for him to give a little bit more attention towards me????
over this period of time, i often go out and hang with my friends and suddenly i started to become the old me...
the one that does not have commitment with any guys and the one that can easily be friends with guys......
why is it happen???

i check back my heart, and then one of my friends told me that actually i'm lonely....
my heart is lonely, even i'm being surrounded by my friends but the truth is i'm lonely in terms of my relation with him....
that's why, i ask him to come back, it just that i need to feel his atmosphere here in Malaysia.
i know people will call me an attention seeker, selfish but i need that just to keep my heart stand still to him...

abg if you read this, i'm trully sorry. i doesn't want to loose you but i can't feel anything. help me please.....

suker?....