hate my life so badly.......

why my life is like this???

why????????

rite now I just hate my life so badly....
Am i don't deserve to be happy with someone that i love????
why do you have to take it away from me????
WHY???????
if we just break up, then it is ok for me becoz atleast I know that he will live his life happily...
but I just can't take it if you take him away from me forever,atleast not now...
not when we are planning to get married, not when I just found him back, not when we just about to be happy....

I know other people will said that better he leave me now than after we married....
but not for me..
I need him by my side,his my strength and I'm his strength..
I now that I should be strong for him but rite now I just want to cry my heart out so that I won't cry when I meet him( if I have the chance to meet him again).

I love him,I never love a human being like I love him.. besides my parents, I really need him in my life... I couldn't live without him..sumtimes I just wish that I'm the one that sick...I'm wiling to exchange with him if I can...I want to see him live a happy life...just let me be the one who suffers...

Ya Allah, jgn pisahkan kami sblm sampai wktunye Ya Allah...

suker?....

H1N1

kolej ak dh kne kuarantin selama 5 hari disebabkan ade pelajar yg di suspek manghidapi H1N1..kteorg xleh kua....bnde nie xde gngu ak sgt pun, tp ak sian kat bdk-bdk yg kne susek tue..sian ow kat dieorg...dh la sakit,xleh kua jmpe kwn-kwn,kne dok satu tmpt ngn org sakit je...pergerakan pulak di perhatikan oleh warden2...sian korg tp xpe nie pun tuk kebaikan korg gak...semoga korg cepat sembuh k....

rmai-rmai kte tggu keputusan pemeriksaan darah tu ari selasa nie.samada positive ataupun negtive...

WAITING.......

suker?....

kehidupan......

apakah yang di maksudkan dengan kehidupan??????
perlukah setiap manusia diduga???

npe hidup ak mcm nie...ak xtaw brape lme lh ak dpt brthn dgn godaan...tp ak cbe sedaya upaya ak...die sakit lg.....I really wish that I am there so that I can take care of him...
but I'm not...right now I can pray for him, hoping that he will get well soon enough...
I need him by my side....with my condition right now, I really need him besides my famly n frenz...sumtimes life can be as calm as the water or the wind dan hidup kte jgak kdg-kdg bleh diduga dgn dugaan yg hebat sehebat taufan....

i just hope that my life wouldn 't be tested so hard....

suker?....

suker?....

NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND……….

AHAD,5/7/2009

Last entry ak kat dlm blog nie hari rabu yg lepas tp ak pdm blik atas sbb2 trtentu…
Hari nie my parent pg ke Medan ikt rombongan PLUS, n ak rse saat nie emosi ak btul2 trggu..ak asyk rse nk mnangis dan ak asyik tringtkn peristiwa hitam 2…ak btul2 xbleh trime…kdng2 ak rse cm nk bunh dri pun de gak tp ak msh siuman…rite now, ak dh de kat kolej dh,wlaupun ak dklilingi kwn2 n senior yg ok tp ak rse kesorngn sgt…ak rse xde spe yg dpt phm ak ckunk….wlaupun kwn2 ak bg smgt kat ak tp ak rse ak idup dlm dunia nie sorg2 je…wlaupun ak cbe luahkn prasaan ak kat kwn yg ak percayai, kaunselor ak tp ak msh kesorngn… sbb bg ak xde sorng pun phm pe yg ak lalui sbnrnye…ak cbe jgk ikuti kursus fasilitator nie dgn harapan agar ak dpt lpekn sgala-galanya tp nmpknye mkin truk....stiap hari ak tringt kn ksah tue..ble ak tringt ak mle nk menangis…ak xdpt jd kuat mcm org ckp sbb hakikatnye ak mmg xkuat…ak tkt memikirkn ape yg akn jd lpas nie…adkh idup ak akn normal cm org lain gak ble dieorg dpt taw ape yg trjd kat ak????jwpn die x….skrng pun ak rse cm org pndng ak smcm je..ak rse dri ak nie kotor, mnjijikn….ak xdpt nk ubh blik kpd dri ak yg dlu..yg hepi, ske glak n yg rse cm xde mslh 2…skrng wlaupun ak brgelak ngn org lain kat, tp tue sume hnya skdr utk menutup prasaan ak yg sbnrnye agar xde spe pun yg taw…tp hakikatnye kat dlm, ak menangis sndrian…ak taw ak de byk tmpt tuk luahkn prasaan tp sume cre tue xmgkin akn dpt kmbalikn ak yg lu lg…ak wat kptsn lpekn peristiwa hitam yg ak hadapi dlu…ak taw ak dh mnyusahkn rmai org tp tue je cre yg ak nmpk sbg escapism ak….

ORANG LAIN TIDAK AKAN PAHAM APE YANG AKU RASAKAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wlaubgaimanapun mereka mncuba…….

suker?....