as time passes by.....

life is unfair rite????
do I really have the right to say that after what I've done?????
still this is what I fell....

he sick again....
this time it's getting worst according to what he said but I really hope that it is not true....
yesterday, his brother texted me saying that he has been uncounscious for two hours....
at the moment I read that text, I was fell down to the ground....
I don't know what to do at that moment....
in my heart I was praying that he will regain he conscious soon and Alhamdullillah he did after that...
I called him not long after that, asking him what has happened...
as usual he said to me 'don't worry'....

later that night, i received a text...
I didn't realise that text until i received a call from him...
he said that his brother has send a text...
saying that he's involve in an accident...
it was 4.30 in the morning....
only God know what i felt at that time.....
after i received his called, i couldn't sleep until know.....

now it is 3.59 in the evening...
i'm at the cafe rite now....
waiting for him to on his YM....
it's the only way we can communicate rite now....
i've sent a text asking him to online...
but still he does not online until now....
i was so damn worried bout him....
but i don't wanna push him...
i know he must have his reason for not to online....

i love him more than he know....
but before this i have asked him to leave me...
in my last entry i wrote that i have did something that is so terrible that i shouldn't be forgiven...
that's why i said that to him...
eventhough he said he wont leave me...
i feel so embarassed to him...
i don't know how i wanna face him...
i have betrayed him...
i have betrayed his trust in me...
i have betrayed my promises to him...
i felt like a bitch, slut and other words that have the same meaning....
he deserve sumbody that better than me....
i feel if i still have him by my side it was like i'm torturing him....
if sumthing HAPPEN i'm surely would ask him to leave me...
but up until now nothing happen and i hope that incident wouldn't leave me with anything....

for all the girls outthere be carefull with everyone....
especially with guys....
appreciate your life and your dignity...
don't let go it easily....

suker?....